Harry Potter and the Numbers of Imagination
by Wotan Halifax
Summary: the most epic harry potter tale yet
1. Chapter 1: In the Old World

**Harry Potter and the Numbers of Imagination**

* * *

 **Chapter 1**

 **In the Old World**

Habilitating Dr. Antoine Anodine was looking forward to a nice cold beer but he couldn't tell anyone because he had to remain stoic because that's how smart scientists are supposed to be. But the heat of the Burundi desert, even so close to Lake Tanganyika, was getting to him, and beers don't grow on trees anyway! Not that there were many trees in deserts.

He had been ostracised by the scientific community for his self-proclaimed brilliant ideas but what the hell did they know. At least he had a rich company backing his excavation that will at least uncover the true beginnings of humankind, if not of the universe itself.

He reached into his pocket and felt the reassuring weight of the one item he could not allow to ever get away from him. Ever. He was just looking if maybe there was a cold beer tree in the landscape after all, when one of the idiots that were actually managing the excavation strode towards him to inform him of the progress of the day.

The idiot shouted, excited "Dr. Anodine! Dr. Anodine!"

Anodine grumbled, grumpily "That's Habilitating Dr., dammit! Now, what's the matter motherfucker?"

The idiot was used to the Dr.'s harsh tone because he was not a sissy and didn't give a shit as long as he got paid.

The idiot answered, beaming: "We found that thing that you asked as to find! Praise us praise us praise us!"

Anodine suddenly got erectically excited and shouted: "Oh yeah! Show me right now!"

Both of them jumped into their Warthog jeep and Anodine tried to drive but he didn't know how to drive manual transmission so they switched places and the idiot drove while Dr. Anodine just looked cool and stoic.

When they arrived at the lake's edge, Dr. Anodine shouted with dignified authority: "Make way you little shitbirds!" and pushed through the huddled masses of underpaid workers (but that's their own fault for not bootstrapping themselves, lazy bums!).

In the freshly dug up ground a few metres from the water, he found what he was looking for!

He wiped away some more dirt from it and would have creamed right into his pants if he wasn't so damn stoic (he impressed himself sometimes!).

In the ground, there was a large plate of something like gold metal or crystal, he didn't care, but it had an indent where there was one piece missing ... one piece in a shape he knew all too well!

Dr. Anodine stood up gracefully and purred to the confused shitbirds around him: "Now watch me make history! You'll never see something as amazing again in your entire pointless, thrill-less lives again!" as he pulled out of his pocket a ...

HORCRUX!

He snapped the chain fastening it to it's belt, got on his knees and pushed the horcrux into the horcrux-shaped hole in the metal or whatever plate.

That must have done something, because suddenly there was an earthquake and all the lazy worker's cheap tents toppled over and someone drove a jeep into a barrel and it exploded but who cares!

The metal or whatever plate started to glow with an ethereal light and stretched towards the middle of Lake Tanganyika.

Anodine walked over it into the lake like it was the most natural thing ever. In a way, his whole life up to this point had just been a preparation for this moment.

The stupid labourers were screaming or falling over when they weren't exploding because of the earthquake, but Anodine wouldn't even have cared if they started a union all of a sudden.

Here, at the end of bridge into the middle in the lake, was rising the object he knew would enlighten all of humankind with it's shining wisdom.

It was so beautiful in its golden splendor that the habilitating Doctor almost had to avert his gaze, but he wasn't a pussy, so he kept posing in case someone took a photo of the moment that would redefine humanity.

No one took a photo.

* * *

 _hey people thank you for reading my first fanfic, it is surely going to be epic._

 _pls review_


	2. Chapter 2: 5,000 Years Later

**Harry Potter and the Numbers of Imagination**

* * *

 **Chapter 2**

 **5,000 Years Later**

A group of wizards wearing all black robes found a huge slab of silver metal with a red rune written on the front side, just floating in a clearing of the Forbidden Forest.

In a radius of 5 kilometres, there was not a single tree left standing in this clearing, or any plants or animals at all. This huge silver slab must be real magical and really important ... the group knew that.

One of the cloaked figures got closer to the silver slab and rested their fingertips on its smooth surface and

BAM

they were gone, leaving only a bundle of clothes behind, falling into a neat, untidy pile.

The other wizards pulled out their wands and started making magical rings of light around the silver slab, and started to floating it away ... towards a well-known school for wizardry ... Hogwarts rising up against the rising sun beyond the forest.

* * *

I exclaimed angrily: "Defense? Bah! I only learn Offense Against the Dark Arts!" and threw the schoolbook across the room.

All my classmates were scared when that happened.

Professor Snake asked with glee: "Mister Potter, do you have a book you would rather have us learn instead?"

I reached into my bag and pulled out a thick grimoire.

I presented it and said proudly: "This classic by Abdul Alhazred of course!"

Professor Snake was amazed that I knew the works of Alhazred (though he had no reason to), and said glumly "You are right, that book would be much better to prepare you for the harsh life after school, but ..."

He looked around the class and said sinisterly "I fear your classmates would not be up to the task, considering what happened two years ago ..."

Of course, none of my classmates knew what happened two years ago, back then it was only Snake and me and ... I refused to think further about that dark and storm night ... the night my brother ...

Snake drooped his broad shoulders under the moonless night-black cloak and sighed "So, pick your book up Mister Potter, we will start the lesson again."

I reached out my hand and the book levitated into my hand again, flapping its pages like an angry bird.

I said with grimness in my voice "But you know Dean Dumbledore wants results! And it won't be enough to just give him all this simulated bullshit ... this way we won't be able to get her ready!"

Snake liked me, but he needed to play tough for the class, so he said with determination "That will be my problem. Now, children, open your books on page 117 ..."

I muttered under my breath "Your problem? Without her, it'll be everybody's problem ..."

Snake raised his magic wand and shouted "Hold on to your butts, children, I will open the GABA now!"

Magic swirls came out of his wand and my whole world got stretched to infinity and then waved back into the virtual magic world of the GABA dive.

This time, the environment was an urban landscape, devoid of any people but our little group of first-year Hogwarts students and Professor Snake. The tall buildings looked dilapidated in the light of the high noon sun, and cast deep shadows around them.

All my classmates were there, looking confused as if we didn't dive into this domain every week!

Snake pulled a camping chair out of his robe's sleeve, unfolded it, and sat down with a cocky smirk on his face.

He gestured towards me and command happily "Mister Potter, since you are the best student of this school, please take care of the simulation protocol this time. We should try to go up to page 120 ... if you can handle it."

I cracked my knuckles and told Snake with firm resolution: "Sure thing, Prof! Bring her in."

Snake waved his hand dismissively.

Had I missed the summon already!?

I heard a sultry woman's voice behind me: "Well then, Potter boy. How about we try again?"

I turned around to see a woman in her late twenties or early thirties, with blue skin and long dark hair and mean eyes glowing yellow out of the shade of the nearby building.

She was wearing loose purple trousers, boots, and a black undershirt. Slung around her shoulder hung a white and red long rifle, almost as tall as she was.

She was looking at me as if that was a test in itself.

I put up my sunglasses and said brimming with confidence of my heritage,

"Oh hi, Shadowbreaker!"

* * *

 _hey readers thank you for reading chapter 2_

 _i had a lot of fun writing this, i bet you can't imagine where this crazy diamond will shine its magnificent light to next!_

 _i just wanna say: it's rted M FOR A REASON!_

 _pls review_


	3. Chapter 3: Bloodbath in the GABA Domain

**Harry Potter and the Numbers of Imagination**

* * *

 **Chapter 3**

 **Bloodbath in the GABA Domain**

I shouted excitedly, "Alright, let's get crackin'!"

I pointed at one of my classmates and growled with determination, "You, bimbo, can be my operator! Now start with paragraph 1!"

The bimbo started reading in awe of my natural leadership skills in regards to task delegation, "Yes sir, Mister Potter! Incanting paragraph 1, summoning G-type golems now!"

Three golems blinked into existence a few metres in front of our group. My classmates shrieked like the scardy-cats they were.

But I was cool as a cucumber.

I raised my custom unicorn horn wand and shouted with glee, "Hear my battle song! Trollhammaren by Finntroll"

As the mystic chords of Swedish metal started dropping all around us, I pointed my custom wand at one of the golems, and abra-cadavred the shit out of it with a red beam of magical energy!

The other two golems woke up from their lethargic loitering, and started charging towards us.

My classmates got scared when that happened, but I dispatched them with two easy abra-cadavres to their heads which exploded and almost showered my classmates with burning chunks of clay, but a series of quick pew pew pews disintegrated them.

Shadowbreaker blew the magical smoke from the barrel of her magical sidearm and looked at me. She grumbled scornfully, "Would it hurt you to think about your team once in a while? Geez Louise."

Snake looked up from his camping chair and scolded her "Mister Potter acted according to the situation, and dispatched the threat gracefully. So shut it and shoot some monsters!"

Shadowbreaker shrugged nonchalantly and brushed him off, "Then get me some monsters."

I barked full of masculinity at my operator bimbo, "Skip the rest, we'll go straight to page ... 119!"

My classmates gasped when I said that. Snake jumped out of his camping chair and shouted "No, Mr. Potter, that's way to dangerous! You'll be -"

I shut him up with a short zip it gesture: "Don't worry, Severus. I got this! Now read it, bimbo!"

She swallowed hard and starting reading with a shaky voice, "I-incanting page 119, paragraph 1 ... switching golems to t-type D!"

Suddenly all the freshly summoned golems turned into Death Eaters!

I exclaimed, "Yeah! That's more like it!"

I started cadavring them left and right and Shadowbreaker shot a few of them with her long rifle but she did not get nearly as much frags as me.

The bimbo stuttered, "Incanting p-paragraph two ... there's the Ultra Death Eater!"

That Death Eater was at least two times as big as the regular kind and glowed with a green aura.

Shadowbreaker started shooting him steadily, but she had to whittle down his magical shield first, while he shot back huge purple bursts of magic with his gigantic wands.

The buildings started to crumble, and my classmates started shrieking again.

I blasted the Ultra Death Eater with a constant stream of magic from my custom wand.

Snake jumped to my side and shouted "No, Mister Potter, you're doing way too much damage, the GABA won't hold!"

The bimbo operator squeaked, "The environment is disintegrating! We have to bail out!"

All my classmates blinked out of the GABA dive in droves.

Snake put his slim hand on my shoulder: "You too, Mister Potter!"

I glared at him while still shooting the Ultra Death Eater: "I almost got him!"

Snake pleaded with me: "Mr. Potter, come flee with me!"

I sighed: "Ugh, fiiine!"

Shadowbreaker waved us goodbye: "Bye, bitches!"

Just when I started to turn around to jump out of the GABA domain, I saw a girl with red hair standing in a halo of bright light.

I mumbled, shocked: "Can't be, you're ...-"

But Snake pulled me out of the GABA domain before I could finish my sentence to Hermione Granger.

Back in our classroom, Snake hugged me tightly: "Oh Mister Potter, I was so worried! You'll be the death of me some time!"

I humored him for a minute and then escaped his hug.

I grinned at him and said happily: "Hey, but we got really good data from that simulation. I bet Dean Dumbledore will call any second now anyway."

* * *

 _hey thank you for reading chapter 3 of my fanfic_

 _i hope you liked it_

 _i didnt promise too much huh?_

 _that chapter was a real m-rated blood bath!_

 _there'll be more where that came from later!_

 _ok byeeeee_

 _pls review_


	4. Chapter 4: Hermione and the CoS

**Harry Potter and the Numbers of Imagination**

* * *

 **Chapter 4**

 **Hermione and the Church of Silence**

In the Dean's Office ...

Second Dean MacDonagal told Dean Dumbledore happily: "Lord, we have secured the Horcrux. The faculty of magical mathematics is putting it into the cold cellar hold right now."

Dean Dumbledore stroked his long beard and answered happily: "That is good."

Second Dean MacDunegal's secretary chirped into their dialogue without being asked for their input: "And with our secret trump card, we have nothing to fear from the Death Eater threat!"

Second Dean McDonegal reprimanded them harshly: "Nobody asked for your input, secretary!"

The secretary looked like they were ready to cry because Second Dean McDonalgal was being mean, but she has been like that forever, so they're all used to it.

Dead Dumbledore tried to light the mood by colloqually asking them: "Oh yes, Mister Potter and Mister Snake's summoning project. Please tell them to bring their newest data over at their earliest possible convenience."

The secretary's face lit up again, and they said chirpily, "Yes, of course, my Lord!", and went on their merry way.

* * *

My classmates were still scared when a short distance owl flew into the classroom and brought a magical message.

I told Snake triumphantly : "I told you! That must be Dumbledore wanting to see our data!"

Snake smiled faintly at me: "Yes, Mister Potter, I will compile it right now, so you can deliver it personally."

One of my classmates raised his and and asked a dumb question: "Will the Dean actually be happy with just GABA-simulated data?"

I snapped angrily: "I already said that before the dive! But Dumbledore will just have to live that!", and then I stormed out of the classroom, to report to Dumbledore.

Two minutes later, Snake looked up from a small purple notebook he had been magically writing in: "Mister Potter, here is the da-"

But I had already left, so he just looked into the blank faces of my stupid classmates who couldn't take care of themselves in even a page 117 GABA dive.

Snake frowned when it dawned upon him that I had left without the data: "Oh no, Mister Potter! Class, just read something about the dark arts or whatever, I need to get this data to Mister Potter before he gets to the office of Dean Dumbledore!", and then he dashed out of the classroom to find me in time.

I stomped through the school grounds on the way to Dumbledore's office, when I saw something that made my anger subside! It was Hagrid, beating up faculty staff from the faculty of magical mathematics!

He punched a dude and roared: "You crazy motherfucker! You're all crazy motherfuckers!"

He punched another dude: "You jumbo doofuses are too stupid to salvage one little horcrux!"

He punched another dude: "You're all a bunch of freaking idiots!"

Next to them, I saw the open gate to the cold cellar hold ... Inside, I could see a holding mechanism ... inside which was a huge, silver slab with a red rune on the front.

Like in trance, I walked towards the horcrux.

When I blinked, suddenly I was in a graveyard. In the mist not far away, I could see a dilapidated church ... and in front of me, sat the horcrux like a silent monolith.

And in front of the horcrux, I saw her again, and called her name: "Hermione!"

She looked into my eyes, and I could see her mouth move, but no voice reached my ears. The whole fucking graveyard was dead silent.

I ran towards Hermione and the horcrux and shouted without accidentally biting my tongue: "Talk louder, dammit! Hermiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-"

And then Hagrid tackled me out of my trance and I was back in Hogwarts.

Without noticing, I had entered the. cold cellar hold and was getting into close touching distance of the horcrux.

Hagrid picked me up and grumbled grumpily: "Damn, you're such a motherfucker, too! Don't touch that thing, we lost three faculty staff until we got it into the hold!"

I dusted myself off and snapped angrily at Hagrid: "I'm not a motherfucker."

And after a pause, I dropped the fucking bomb: "My mother ... is dead!"

Hagrid was taken aback, but mumbled, "Just don't touch it, kid."

I did not dignify that absurdity with a response and left the cold cellar through the gate towards Dumbledore's office.

* * *

 _heeeey thank you for reading chapter 4!_

 _not a lot of deaths this chapter, but a lot of suspense and intrigue!_

 _see you next chapter!_

 _pls review!_


	5. Chapter 5: Snake's Stupid Mistake

**Harry Potter and the Numbers of Imagination**

* * *

 **Chapter 5**

 **Snake's Stupid Mistake**

2 Years Ago ...

It was a dark and stormy night. A figure sat in the Hogwarts library alone, hunched over a leather-bound tome which a connoisseur might recognise as Alhazred's most famous work. Their face was only faintly illuminated by a drippy candle, the only source of light in the whole great hall.

They were so enthralled by the magic book that they did not see Harry Potter creeping up to them, until Harry stood right behind them and put a hand on their shoulder.

The figure turned around to face Harry and shouted, startled: "Don't startle me, Harry."

Harry smiled and offered the other person a cup of tea, steam rising in the cold library air of night: "Tea, Earl Grey, hot."

The other person took the cup and warmed their cold fingers thankfully before asking inquisitively: "Why are you still up at this hour, Harry?"

Harry Potter frowned and answered sheepishly: "I'm having trouble sleeping, actually."

He glanced over to the pentagram drawn on the floor at the back of the library. The other person followed his gaze.

Harry sighed and said ruefully: "Tomorrow's the big day ... and I still don't know what I should say to her when she gets here."

They both listened to the sound of the rain gently falling on the library windows.

The other person put Harry's hands in theirs and smiled, as they answered smartly: "Just use the universal greeting. Say, 'Oh hi' and then her name."

Harry Potter blinked a few times, dumbfounded.

Then he smiled, too, and said happily: "Yes, that's good. I'll do that."

He kissed the other person on the cheek and said cheekily: "I think I can go back to sleep now."

Harry turned and started to leave, stopped short and looked over his shoulder and said to the other person longingly: "Don't work too long."

The other person sat down at their desk again, and waved Harry goodbye without looking.

* * *

I had almost reached the entrance to the building that held Dumbledore's office when Snake caught up with me.

Snake shouted excitedly: "Mister Pooootterrrr!"

I turned around and stared at him blankly.

Snake was sweating profusely from running so fast and said out of breath: "Mister, Potter, here's the data I forgot to give you!".

He pushed his notebook to my chest. I grabbed it, dumbfoundedly.

Snake looked at me and asked worriedly: "Are you alright, Mister Potter? You look like you were having flashbacks again."

I regained my composure and smiled cockily: "Nah, I'm good. Thanks for the data, Severus."

He perked up excitedly and looked like he was about to ask something, when another short distance owl swooped in and dropped a letter for me.

I speed-read that sucker and told Snake nonchalantly: "I gotta go, I'm expected to help out with some house elf problem."

Snake looked shocked and shouted: "But isn't it much more important to get the data to Dean Dumbledore?"

I waved his worries aside: "Nah, Dumbledore can wait a little longer. I gotta show the old motherfucker who's boss every once in a while."

I turned around and started walking towards the faculty of house elves.

I shouted my goodbye to Snake while I walked, without looking: "Later, Sev'!"

Snake stared after me.

After a few seconds, he mumbled disappointedly: "Oh no, I forgot to ask Mister Potter out on a date ... again! D'oh!"

A single tear ran down his gothic face, but I couldn't see that of course because I was walking in the opposite direction.

I kicked the door to the house elf faculty open for my stylish dynamic entry.

The faculty head was standing in a group of house elves and looked at me happily: "Oh, Mister Potter, I am so sorry to bother you with this."

I grinned: "Don't worry, tell me what's up with those little fuckers."

The faculty head was close to tears when he said: "These combat house elves are complaining aren't happy with the new tactics we have tried to educate them in."

I sighed and said: "You still don't know how to treat house elves properly."

Then I sat down on the floor with the lot of them and told them in simple words so they could understand: "We are really happy with you guys fighting for us. Please just do what that guy thinks is a good tactic, we don't want you to die for us. I want you to trust the judgement of those in charge. Can you do that for me? If you can't, that is fine, too, it just means we'll have to kick your asses!"

The house elves laughed about that, but then again, they didn't know I wasn't joking.

* * *

 _heeeey wotan halifax here, thanks for reading chapter 5_

 _not much happening for a change, but it was intriguing! just who was that person harry potter talked to 2 years ago?_

 _also, next chapter is gonna be pretty cray-cray again so look forward to that and review pls!_

 _k thx byeeeee_


	6. Chapter 6: Quirrell the Pervert

**Harry Potter and the Numbers of Imagination**

* * *

 **Chapter 6**

 **Quirrell the Pervert**

Suddenly someone else kicked open the door, about 80% as manly as I did it when I entered.

Into the room strode Professor Quirrell.

I rose up from my circle of house elves, put my hands on my hips and asked cheekily, "Oh? And what do you want from us, Professor ... Quim!?"

Quirrell started sniffing around.

He strode towards a house elf next to me, bent down and started sniffing him.

Quirrell looked me in the eye when he did that and snarled, still sniffing: "That ... STENCH!"

I looked at him quizzically, but too cool to give him the satisfaction of any form of oral response.

Quirrell rambled on neurotically: "That elf stench makes me sick to my stomach. Dirty little fuckers ..."

Then I finally saw the tattoo on his cheek. It read in the gothic letters: "I EAT HOUSE ELVES"

I pointed my accusatory index finger at him and snarled back: "Oh Quimmyboy, you little rascal! You have a house elf flesh addiction."

Quirrell wasn't ashamed at all.

The house elf faculty head rushed to my side and pleaded grovelingly: "Please don't troll Mr. Potter, Professor Quirrell, he is doing his best for the combat house elves, and these new tactics will help your department of defence against the da-"

Quirrell interrupted the faculty head grinningly: "As if we need help from some house elves! Well, they might make good rations ..."

The house elves were scared when Quirrell licked his luscious lips.

He looked the group over and slowly admitted: "Well, there is one more thing they're good for ..."

The faculty head looked at crazy Quirrell, first confusedly and then with horror when he realised what he alluded to.

I spoke out what Quirrell meant: "... their emergency self destruct hex."

Quirrell stretched a little and told me and the faculty head: "Man, I'm getting hungry, hombre. I'll be off." and he left.

The faculty head started to apologise: "Please excuse Quirrell, we used to be one of my class mates, and he wasn't this crazy until the London incident 14 years ago ..."

I waved him off, I didn't care at all about this rando's war stories: "I gotta get this data to Dumbledore now. Give me a call when those house elves act up again."

He thanked me with enthusiasm: "Yes, Mister Potter. Thank you for your impeccable work as usual!"

I left without a word. I guess I let Dumbledore wait long enough.

* * *

2 minutes later, in Dean Dumbledore's office ...

Second Dean MacDonegal screeched furiously: "Four semesters! Four more semesters! And all you have is simulated data from some GABA realm! Mister Potter, are you taking the piss!?"

I was almost too cool for school when I answered: "Naaah, but Snake is taking the piss! I'd have her go shooting shit all over the place if he wasn't such a scaredy-cat!"

Dean Dumbledore tried to calm our clashing with reason in his voice: "But you see, Mister Potter, after what happened two years ago, it's no wonder he is scared about summoning her in this realm."

Second Dean MacDunegal was still salty: "Albus, you realise what we have in our cold cellar right now, don't you? Having her around was the whole plan! Mister Potter! Is she ready!?"

I shrugged and answered nonchalantly: "Hell no. We erased all the circles after that shit two years ago. I'd say after two more months we -"

Second Dean MacDonegal rudely interrupted me: "Two MONTHS? You have unlimited funds from Gringrots, and you are talking about two tossing months? You wanker, you -"

Second Dean MacDonegal was interrupted not by me, but by her own wand vibrating.

She looked at it, furrowed her brow and said grimly: "... something has come up. Just ... do your best, Mister Potter."

Then she left the room.

Dean Dumbledore sighed exhaustedly: "Please don't worry, Mister Potter. We have already informed the Ministry of Magic. I'm sure we won't need your summon this time. Please take the afternoon off, Mister Potter, for working so hard."

I said happily: "Thanks! You will not regret putting your trust in me."

Then I left.

Dean Dumbledore sighed again and looked out of the window of his office into the dark infinite depths of the Forbidden Forest.

It was almost like he knew that in a few hours' time, he would be dead.

* * *

 _hey thank fors reading this chapter!_

 _lots of boring build up i know, but it's neccessary so shit can get real soon!_

 _it's gonna blow your mind!_

 _like dumbledore will blow up! or maybe he won't!_

 _find out next time on HARRY POTTER AND THE NUMBERS OF IMAGINATION_

 _plz review!_


	7. Chapter 7: Death Eater Attack

**Harry Potter and the Numbers of Imagination**

* * *

 **Chapter 7**

 **Death Eater Attack**

In Second Dean MacGonedal's office ...

Second Dean MacDonegal was hunched over her crystal ball, its blue shine the only source of light in her dark office. She winced when she heard Sirius Black's voice scolding her harshly through the magical ether: "You should have taken better care when transporting it! People touched it and disappeared into nothing."

Second Dean MacDonegal answered sadly: "Yes, we lost three faculty members, and -"

Sirius Black rudely interrupted her: "Like I give a flying toss about those lives. But they touched it and disappeared. You know, what that means, right?"

Second Dean MacDonegal nodded glumly.

Sirius Black continued solemnly: "Well, as we feared, they noticed, and are now on the way. We recon they'll be upon you in less than an hour."

Second Dean MacDonegal yelled in surprise: "The Death Eaters!?"

Sirius Black continued glumly: "We've sent help half an hour ago. Just hold out until then. You have that new weapon at your disposal, do you not?"

Second Dean MacDonegal answered horrified by her realisation: "But ... they're not even testing it in the real number domain yet!"

She could see Sirius shrug in the blue mist of the crystal ball: "Just hold out until we arrive. We expect you to protect it with your life."

Then he cut the transmission and left Second Dean MacDonegal in the darkness of her office.

* * *

I was in my room, having a blast drinking my fourth pint of Faxe Strong. Nothing beats having the afternoon off and being way too smart for any school subject to care anyway.

It was then when I heard the house ghost ring his bell and shouting an announcement: "Alert! Alert!"

I kicked open my own door and stepped into the hallway to give that annoyance a piece of my mind.

I asked, a little bit tipsy, and a whole lot furiously: "What the fuck alert is it?"

The house ghost was taken aback and stammered: "Ah, just ... some kind of alarm. I'm just relaying the message."

I inquired impatiently: "Oh yeah? And where did that alert originate from, smart ass?"

The house ghost mumbled bashfully: "From, from the library ..."

I snapped at him: "Idiot! There's no one in the library to issue any sort of alarm. Don't annoy me again!"

Then I slammed my door shut and opened another tin of lager.

* * *

In Dean Dumbledore's Office ...

Dean Dumbledore was still looking out of his window.

The sun had started to set and dyed the horizon in a bloody redness.

Then Dumbledore saw the magic circle opening out of thin air. Then another, and another. Out rode hordes and hordes of Death Eaters on their brooms, circling Hogwarts University.

Dean Dumbledore fumbled for his wand to send a telepathic warning to all faculty staff, but dropped it out of sheer terror when he saw one more magic circle opening up. This one was at least 200 yards in diameter, and out stepped a Death Eater, so unbelievable massive that he actually had to duck while exiting the circle. It's steps shook the earth and made Dean Dumbledore quake in his boots.

He muttered, in shock: "G-Goliath class ..."

And those were his last words because a kamikaze Death Eater flew right threw the window into his office and exploded in a colourful firework of death and destruction and university papers.

* * *

In the library ...

Snake was muttering curses under his breath, complaining to the universe in general. Second Dean MacDonegal had given him a piece of her mind because the summoning project still was way behind schedule. So he had to stay late and do some test data evalution.

He looked up from his magical notebook when he saw a glimmer in the corner of his eye. He was working right next to the sealed off area of the floor where the summoning circles were erased after the accident two years ago.

They had been erased, hadn't they? He was sure of it - but he could now see them, clear as vengeful stars in a moonless night. Purple runes, geometric symbols, seemingly drawing themselves, connecting to the other realm, connecting to her.

Snake fell out of his chair in shock.

The summoning circle exploded into a bright purple light that made him avert his gaze and shut his eyes tightly.

He could not die yet. He still had not told Mr. Potter his feelings and –

But when had the universe ever cared about that?

* * *

 _yoooo thank you for reading this amazing chapter!_

 _we'll be entering a non-stpo thrill ride for the next few chapters, so get ready! you'll knever know who bites the dust next!_

 _unless you read the next chapter, of course!_

 _PLS REVIEWWWWW_

 _OK BYEEEE_


	8. Chapter 8: Quirrell the Strategist

**Harry Potter and the Numbers of Imagination**

* * *

 **Chapter 8**

 **Quirrell the Strategist**

The explosions around the building were even more annoying than the House Ghost trying to convey messages about non-existing alarms.

After an explosion shook the building so hard that my tin of beer tipped over and spilled its Danish goodness all over the carpet, I was having enough of this shit. I kicked the door open and screamed just a little tipsily: "What the fuck is Dumbledore doing!?"

My fellow students were screaming and running around in panicked frenzy, and shouting about Death Eaters and Dumbledore being dead and MacGonedald missing.

I sighed and mumbled to myself: "If you want something done ..."

Then I strode down the stairs, to get to the library.

* * *

In the cold cellar ...

Second Dean MacDonegal suspected, but did not know that she was First Dean now. Not that it mattered anymore. The only one here was Hagrid, and he was a sleeper just as she was.

Hagrid grumbled grumpily: "No, Minerva, that's suicide! You can't take the horcrux and leave. It cost us a lot of people to even get it into the cellar!"

Formerly Second Dean MacDongeal replied with determination: "Listen, Hagrid, the Death Eaters are like cute little fluffy bunnies compared to the kind of shit we'll have to deal with should it awaken."

Hagrid smiled because who doesn't like cute little fluffy bunnies?

Now First Dean MacDonegal put a flask with a colourful potion inside into his big half-giant hand.

She said, with finality: "Find some shelter and quaff it. You'll fall unconscious for a while, but you'll be intangible for the Death Eaters. Black's troops will pick you up. Now go!"

Hagrid nodded and trodded out of the cold cellar.

First Dean MacDonegal watched him waddle off, then turned towards the giant silver horcrux, and opened the leather-bount tome she brought with her.

* * *

On my way down from the sleeping quarters, I ran into Quirrell and a battalion of house elves fighting Death Eaters in the Great Hall. He looked like he was having fun, ordering them to their inevitable doom.

I shouted up at him flying on his broom sarcastically: "You DO realise the Death Eaters are actually fucking intangible, yes?"

All the house elf spells went right through the monsters, but their return fire was actually hitting the house elves and splattering blood and body parts everywhere. To an uneducated mind, this might seem like it did not make sense, maybe even that it was unfair. People need to learn that life is not fair.

Quirrell looked down at me and snapped back angrily: "I'm fully aware of what I'm doing, can't you see? I've been doing this shit way longer than you, Mister Potter!"

Then he ordered all the remaining house elves into the center of the Great Hall.

I understood his plan now.

I shouted up at him: "Quirrell, you one sick motherfucker!"

he did a little barrel roll on his broom and smirked back at me: "You know, Mister Potter, as the fucking prodigy you are, you could have removed their hexes at any time! But you did not, because it's not your problem, right? That's just what separates us from them!"

He looked almost sad when he continued: "I kind of envy them. At least they have a meaning to their pitiful existence."

I looked bored and twirled my index finger in a "get on with it" gesture.

He aimed his wand at the group of remaining house elves and thundered: "And I will give them their meaning now! ELFUS EXPLODICUS!"

With his impeccable dramatic timing, he activated their self-destruct hex, and I actually landed flat on my ass from the shockwave of the Great Hall disintegrating.

I stood back up and wiped stone dust and a random house elf ear from my trousers. The Great Hall's floor had been taken out and all the Death Eaters had fallen to the lower floors.

Quirrell laughed like a maniac and did a victory loop on his broom.

Then he shouted joyfully: "OK, Mister Potter, go get to safety or whatever! I'll go get some more House Elves!"

I shouted at him, sounding almost scared: "Yo, Quirrell, that one over there didn't fall down!"

He replied quizzically: "What? Where?"

And then a magical bolt struck his broom and Quirrell fell down. I looked over to where he landed with a big thump. If he was dead or not, I couldn't tell from here. I had more pressing matters at hand when the Death Eater noticed me.

He looked directly in my eyes and instantly blinked behind me and picked me up by the throat.

I strained to complain one last time: "F-fucking voidwalkers ...!" and then I started to feel that maybe, actually this time, it might be it.

My end.

* * *

 _Yooooooo wotan halifax here_

 _THANK YOU for reading this chapter!_

 _i bet you cant wait to see what happens next!_

 _would i really kill off the main character?_

 _THERE'S NOTHING I WOULDN'T DO IN THIS EPIC STORY!_

 _pls revieeeeewwwwwww_


	9. Chapter 9: Mister Potter Almost Dies

**Harry Potter and the Numbers of Imagination**

* * *

 **Chapter 9**

 **Mister Potter Almost Dies**

This is the way the world ends. Not with a bang, but a whimpering me, dangling by the neck from a Death Eater impervious to anything I could throw at him.

I had read about Death Eaters in the classic by Abdul Alhazred, about what happens when human come into contact with Death Eaters.

Within the minute, my body would turn into a pillar of salt and disperse my soul into the ether, leaving this mortal coil a cute little heap of sodium chloride.

I try to draw breath but no dice. I can't even quip about how I Don't Feel So Good, which is a shame because nothing is funnier to me than a meme people that nobody will remember in 2 months' time.

Black spots start to appear at the edges of my peripheral vision. This sucks.

Ah well, at least I won't have to do any more homework about integral equations anymore. Imaginary numbers are worse than any hell.

Wait, is that Hermione I see, just standing there behind the Death Eater?

LOL, now I'm starting to hallucinate. Jesus H. Christ, dying is weird.

I was so busy dying, I did not even notice the exploding wall to my left, making way for a high-powered magic shell striking the Death Eater right through the arm, splattering it into a mess of burnt muscle tissue and chunks of bone.

I fall to the ground and start coughing. Oh man, isn't being able to breathe just the best?

I spring up into a flexing pose because showing weakness is for the weak. I pull my sunglasses out of my pocket and put them up, then look to the new hole in the wall.

I then smirk when I recognise the shapes stepping over the rubble and greet them sassily: "Oh hai, Snake and Shadowbreaker."

Snake cried and hugged me tightly: "Oh Mister Potter, I was so scared that something had happened to you! I'm so glad that you're okay."

I pat Snake on the back patronisingly and answer soothingly: "Oh Snakyboo, you know me. I can never die because of my parents' love curse. Anyway, I didn't expect you to be able to summon Shadowbreaker here."

Snake answered cryingly: "I - I didn't. She just summoned herself!"

I snapped at Snake: "You're taking the piss! Like she can do that. Shadowbreaker, what the fuck are you doing there anyway?"

She had knelt down to draw some runes into the debris dust on the floor, and now stood up, dusting off her tight pants which might look sexy if she wasn't blue like a fucking smurfette.

She answered without even looking into my direction: "Activating the Euler-Gauss effect."

She snapped her fingers and a wave of purple energy expanded outwards from the runes, wafting through the walls. I knew the theory. That magic wave would make all Death Eaters tangible to our attacks, finally. No idea if there was still someone alive to make use of that opportunity, but I guess that makes things easier for us, too.

She looked at me and Snake and claimed boastfully: "That's a radius of 2 kilometres."

Snake was rattled: "Whaaat? Even our best wizards only manage 50 metres!"

I had never tried to activate the Effect, but I was pretty sure I could go for at least 4 kilometres. But I was too modest to inform everyone of that fact.

Instead, Shadowbreaker acted as if she could order us around: "So, you two chucklefucks get your arses to safety now."

I pushed Snake out of the way and got right into her face and answered with justified anger: "Like hell! You minx want to go and steal our horcrux from the storage in the cold cellar right down the hall, through the school grounds, second door to the right!"

She sighed, did a little hop to the side and was suddenly invisible.

I turned to Snake, and told him with determination: "We'll go there as well!"

Snake looked like he would rather run away with me and start a new life on our imaginary farm in Tuscany instead.

But we both knew he liked my decisiveness and bravery even more.

* * *

 _hey thank you for reading this chapter!_

 _i bet you were really scared that even mister potter bit the dust in this chapter! thats beacause you have NO CLUE what might happen in this fic!_

 _ANYTHING can happen! NO ONE is safe!_

 _this is WAR against the death eaters after all!_

 _and mister potter is braver than the marines!_

 _PLS REVIEWWWWWWWWW_


	10. Chapter 10: The End of Hogwarts Uni

**Harry Potter and the Numbers of Imagination**

* * *

 **Chapter 10**

 **The End of Hogwarts University**

In the cold cellar, now First Dean MacGonedal was getting frustrated with her tome and complained to the universe in general: "What mediocre dunce would spill tartar sauce right on the most important page!? Now I can't complete the spell to bring the horcrux to safety!"

She startled when the huge door to the cellar was kicked open. Was it the Death Eaters already!?

But in the door frame, it was just me, Snake at my side, and Quirrell behind us. He woke up right when we wanted to leave the ruins of the Great Hall, and I let him tag along.

I exclaimed confidently: "Yo, Second Dean MacDonegal! No need to worry, we're here now! Was the bluemeanie here already?"

First Dean MacDonegal replied with a blank stare.

Snake explained the situation helpfully: "Mister Potter thinks our little project might double-cross us."

First Dean MacDonegal rolled her eyes and went back to her tome.

She replied grumpily: "In other circumstances, I would be quite delighted to hear that your summon is already active, and then I'd have to reprimand you since you clearly don't seem to know what you're doing. But right now, I have more pressing matters at hand."

Snake heard a noise and looked over his shoulder and then exclaimed scaredly: "Oh no, Mister Potter! Death Eaters!"

In fact, a huge group of Death Eaters was coming right for us!

First Dean MacDonegal sighed full of existential dread: "Of course they are. Because you opened the gate that shielded the horcrux' aura from them. Now they'll all be here and kill us and take the horcrux."

I grinned sheepishly: "So, what are you gonna do? Take 50 points off of Gryffindor?"

Snake held onto my robe scaredly, so I had to reassure him: "Don't worry, we still have one last trick up our sleeves."

Quirrell stammered: "Th-then I'd really like to see it right now!"

Swift as a weasel, I pushed one of my legs between Quirrell's, hooked my heel behind one of his and pushed his shoulders to throw him to the ground.

Quirrell yelped: "Wh-what!?", but I already bent down, grabbed his ankles, and held them close to my hips.

I told Snake grimly: "Gimme some room!", and when Snake moved back, I started turning counter-clockwise, lifting Quirrell of the ground and spinning him around.

I grinned at Quirrell and stated matter-of-factly: "YOU are our trick, Squirrell! GIAAAANT SWWIIIINGGGG!"

I spun faster and faster and just before Quirrell started losing his supper (may have contained house elf flesh, I presumed), I sent him flying into the group of Death Eaters.

Because they were tangible thanks to the Euler-Gauss effect, they stumbled all over him and fell into a giant pile. Then I whipped out my custom unicorn horn wand and pointed it at the pile.

I activated the spell I bound to Quirrell's back when he wasn't looking before: "QUIRRELL'S TERMINUS!"

Quirrell's body exploded, taking out all the Death Eaters in a rain of blood and entrails, for maximum irony. I hated to admit it, but the tactics he devised did really prove to be quite effective, even when we were out of house elves.

Snake grabbed my shoulders and shook me until my smirk faded

He shouted sadly: "Why did you do that, Mister Potter? Someone with your power did not have to sacrifice anyone!"

I grabbed his hands and pried them off my shoulders before answering annoyedly: "Yeah, well, that was our best chance for survival. Also, our escape broom is only a two-seater anyway, and ..."

I put on my sweetest smile as I continued: "... you know you'll always be my number one priority, Snake."

Snake was so taken by emotion, tears rolled down his ruggedly handsame face.

Our sweet moment ended early because the Golitah-class Death Eater came stomping towards the Cold Cellar in thunderous steps. I did not have another ace up my hole, so I could do nothing but watch when the giant Death Eater crashed right into the cellar, taking out the whole building.

It reached down towards us, his grabby hand narrowly missing First Dean MacDonegal, but taking the horcrux, and pulling it out of the cellar.

That's when the whole building came down on us.

* * *

Standing on a nearby rooftop, Shadowbreaker looked over the fields of smoke and debris that once made up Hogwarts University. She watched the Goliath-class Death Eater destroy the Cold Cellar and pull out the horcrux.

Using her rifle scope as binoculars, she saw the Death Eater put the horcrux into its mouth and swallowing, then roaring loudly, tearing a hole in the sky with a giant magic circle.

Shadowbreaker calmly loaded a shell into her long rifle, and fired a single shot at the Death Eater just as it stepped into the portal.

The portal closed regardless. A Goliath-class would not even notice a shot of that calibre.

Shadowbreaker held her left hand in front of her, opened, palm side up. A bright white wisp appeared in her hand.

She asked it gently: "Send a message to the boss for me, would you please?"

She stood up straight, brushed her hair out of her face, and spoke as professional as a blue person can: "That could have gone better. Could have been worse, though. It was not the original, just one of the emulators. I stuck a tracer on the Death Eater that took it, regardless. I'll be on my way to Hogsmead as planned."

Shadowbreaker closed her hand, and the white wisp disappeared.

She said warmly, "Thanks, Ghost. Let's go.", slung her rifle over her shoulder and jumped down the roof, turning invisible as she fell.

And all that was left of Hogwarts was now just dust and echoes.

* * *

 _yooooo WOTAN HALIFAX here_

 _thanks for reading this amazing chapter_

 _our peeps got red weddinged pretty good huh?_

 _as i said, no one is safe!_

 _is this the end of the potter journey?_

 _who knows!_

 _there might be lots and lots more to tell_

 _but for now, it's good night, everyone_

 _let's keep mister potter forever in our hearts_

 _rest easy, heroes_


End file.
